The Princess and the Tic Tac

Today I got up and did my 'at home' yoga practice. And I was creaky and starchy to begin with, but after a little while my body softened and mid Salute to the Sun so did my mind. I ended my session sitting cross legged with my blanket wrapped around me and ohming a little.

I felt calm, unafraid and hopeful.

Something I am unused to on Sunday afternoons.

And then I went for a bike ride.  On my own. For about the first time since 1979. 

I rode to the site of the Strathmore Community Garden, it took about 40 minutes all up, I did get off and rest a little at the garden.

I huffed and puffed a little. And I had fun.

I was reminded of when I started jogging (and I will again) during PT sessions. It panicked me when I became short of breath and my heart muscle strained. It was the fear in my chest, the constriction, the not knowing if my body could take me where I needed it to go that was almost made me stop. Almost.

What I found when I jogged, ran or rowed is that I have this inbuilt - thing - that pushes me. That thrives on the challenge. That enjoys the climb. That likes the pain. And feling strong and tall and vital. At the moment it's about the size of a tic tac. 


After my Nanna died I burried that tic tac under twenty mattresses and l laid twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

But today I reckon I removed the first eider-down. Or at least turned it down for the night. Sans chocolate on the pillow.


When I huffed and puffed on my bike today instead of panicking I enjoyed it. 


Me, unfit, too-big-for-my-body me. Enjoying exercise.


My beautiful red-haired trainer used to say I had an athletes body and big activity friendly lungs. I'd look at him, and say Lucas, everyone knows lungs is a euphemism for breasts and he'd look back and say what's a euphemism?


I remember running up 20 flights of stairs (ok, walking, crawling, lurching, inch by inch) and loving it.


Loving.



So I am really pleased about my 4 bewitching activity points today (Weight Watcher speak). I don't think I'll eat them. They look too pretty up there on the shelf. Like macaroons.

Beautiful.