I don't want

I don't want to be skinny by Easter.

I don't want to be thinner than my best-friend.

I don't want to fit into my mothers going away outfit (though it is a divine turquoise shot silk Chanel number, lined in purple silk)

I don't want to buy a dress size starting with just one number for a family wedding next summer.

I don't want to weigh less than my sister-in-law

I don't want to be an inspiration to my  niece (I want to hold her hand and tell her that being a kid is a beautiful gift, not to be missed, and to worry about eating pasta at eight is to try and worry the world away)

I don't want to be a Weight Watcher leader.

I don't want to lose the most weight or the least.

I don't want to agonise over points and bananas

I don't want to hide, or cry, or be shy in front of my own body.

I just want to be me.

(I really do want to fit into Mum's going away outfit, a shift dress that hits above my knee, and a box jacket, with big brass military buttons and those flap things on the shoulders)